我爱你，不容易。 Hard to say: ”I LOVE u."

前天，说着要致电到家的我，犹疑不决。如果是普通的对话，我爽快得打。但，要说出：“我爱你",的确不容易。电话打了。聊聊最近发生那些事啊~但，脑里回想着我和妈之间发生的点点滴滴。从以前我是anak mami，到叛逆（算吗？），到现在很珍惜。好多好多的画面回想了起来。我感触很多。我谈谈吐吐了很久。“咪，我...” “咪，...” “我...” 就是说不出来。可是，那一刻，我真很想让妈知道我，姐，妹，和哥都是幸福的。最后，我鼓起勇气说：“咪，谢谢您把我生下来。”眼泪就在眼眶里打滚着。那是我对妈咪最真心的话。妈有点吓到，可能我们都从没表达过吧。。当我感觉到泪水快要掉下来的时候，妈的反映尽然是：“ehhh，你的DSLR还要买吗？” Huhh。。我哭笑不得。。我爱你，没勇气说出来。但我相信孩子们的心里都很大声的呐喊着：“妈，我爱你！”。

Yesterday, I said that I'm gonna call my mum. Fingers felt like heavy when dialing it. I call millions of times to home, never felt the finger heavy like this before. Is it because, I'm gonna say I love u to mum..?? Never realize it is Hard.. I called. like usual, we talked about daily's thingy. "What do u eat today？” “Have u take ur bath??” Things like that repeated each time we talk.. but, this kind of conversation makes me feel home.. keep on flash backing the memories that we had together.. From I'm a mummy's girl, to a rebellious girl(is it?), and now to a girl that appreciated. I felt a lot. when I trying to speak it out: "Mi, I..." "Mi,..." "I..." just can't say it out. but, I really wanted my mum to know how appreciate am I to be her daughter. So, at last , I said:" Mi, thanks for bringing me to this world."

Miss mom and dad!

Something happened today. My friend's mom go to heaven already. Me and this friend don't really have a close relationship. but, I can feel the sadness. Hard to describe it. It wasn't like I really cry but something stirring in the heart. I never have the experience, someone that I love will leave me, but I think it is unbearable. Keep on remembering mom and dad, I miss them so much! well. family bonding is special. At younger age, I always think I can be independent if I want to, I can live on without others help. it is naive. Now, I realized how much I depend on them. I never tell my mom/dad face to face that i love her/him. Maybe I should do that next time. Scared if they leaving me without knowing how much I am grateful to be their daughter. or I should just call them now... yup, call ING...

Unexpected day~

今天是蛮特别的一天，在码头上竟然遇见了我的讲师，Mdm.C。见到时还真的很惊讶。心想：“不会吧，应该不是同一个船...” 结果，是leh！天啊！一向沟通（对不熟悉的）不好的我死定了。后来，Mdm.C做在我旁边，没说太多的话。我的感觉倒是蛮尴尬的。不知，Mdm.是怎样呢？？ 别人在船上都在睡觉，我实在谁不下去啊~~ 只好写一写东西。一片蓝蓝的大海，我对看了3个小时。。以为坐在上面（first class）会有电视看，可是那天偏偏没有哦!!起码，如果有电视，我就不会那么闷呗~ 有电视声音响起，我就直接望前面。不好意思，我真的是电视狂！如果坐在下面（economy）的又有电视看又不会那么闷咯。。 对，我最近很哈韩剧，秘密花园真不错！期待它的结局。就这样，掰！
                                      14.01.11写的。

today is a quite extraordinary day. I met up with my lecturer, Mdm.C at the ferry terminal. I am surprised at that time. Hoping that we don't belong to the same ferry... But, OMG, we were on the same ferry! I'm not really good in socializing with someone that I not close to, so, it will be a nightmare for me..(quite over.>.<) later, Mdm. sat beside me. We don't talk much. I can feel my awkward atmosphere rising.. Everyone sleep on the way, but, I just can't~~ So, I'm taking my notebook to write something..  and watched the blue blue sea for 3 hours.. No TV on first class this day. haiz, really extremely boring.. when the sound of TV heard, I'll directly look ahead.. Must confess, I am a TVholic! totally addicted to Korean drama these days, and Secret Garden is the most! Waiting 4 the ending of the drama.. that's all, Buhbye!      Wrote on 14.01.11

Beginning of my Blog!!

I always wanted to have a blog.. but my procrastination and my laziness lead me to a hard way.. but, now, at least, my blog was created. The direction of my blog will be anything~~ I'm considering to write in Malay, English, or perhaps Chinese. Let's see how far I can go with this bloggy thingy~~!! \(^o^)/  Now need to rest my eyes n have a good nap...