My childhood friend..

I got a really important presentation today. and I'm preparing for it. then, my best friend / another childhood friend called me.. she doesn't usually call me in the afternoon, I'm sensing something important happened. I am regretting for picking up that phone call. like I don't want to accept the reality. she told me that my our childhood friend was passed away. due to suicidal. what!!?? Impossible..

then I'm confirming it by calling home. my brother said, ya, it happened, and it is on the news.. I was quite rejecting it. impossible, it is impossible. then, my presentation was going not to well.. and I'm frustrated with the news. I slept when I got back to hostel. and I don't dare to find the news bout it.

11.30p.m., mu mom called. I knew she want to talk bout it and I have to pick it up. talking to mom just make me remember all the memories that happened past then. I remember we were playing soil after rain, watching cartoons together... why?? just why?? that is not the solution of it.

with the curiosity, I googled it. and I found his blog. he mentioned bout an hypocrite asshole and post that resembles his suicidal. but, nobody noticed it.

 In this life, there is nothing that you hoped will actually come true as you imagine…

All the frustration I had in these past few weeks had merge my body and soul for the longest period of time since for so long…I only hoped that this will not become my breaking point and I can continue to Contribute..But as matters worsens, I may do things in a suicidal compulsion…I just hoped it won’t be too quickly..Anyway.. anyone that reads this.. If I finally departed.. I wish to make sure my family knows EVERYTHING there is to know about me… Even if it was the worst of me.. that was who I am…God would send me to hell for all that I’ve done but who cares when it was too late anyway…so that will be my good bye and I hoped it wouldn’t be soon but not too long as well… Living is HARD… 

life is precious. he mentioned that he want his family to know who he was. but, can they really accept the fact that their son / brother that they love leaving them.. he good in his study and was the holding a position in his faculty. could it be the asshole pushing him..?? living is real hard, that is life all about. turn back the time so it won't end like this.. reading the articles and news make me feel uncomfortable. I don't want them to criticizes it.

  this thing will mark in our heart. what should I response when I meet his family.. It is like a thorn that stay in our heart and no one want to mention it. pray that his family will heal from this.. and others, Please, dying is not gonna fix the problems.  get help by talk to someone.